Vegans

By JOEL. This post occurs after comic #210.

This was normally the only day of the week that I did not eat with Roland, so I was inwardly thankful that I had Samantha to join me. She sat across from me, and between us sat this vile opponent, a vegan burger, with some sort of soy-based cheese and… well the lettuce was regular lettuce.

I think it goes without saying that Samantha’s cardinal feature was her vocal environmentalism and other hippy stuff, but I was downright thrilled to find that she had more pedestrian interests, mainly console gaming. The argument soon elevated into a debate about how good or bad Sonic Unleashed is. It’s terrible, by the way, although certain hippies seem to disagree.

The burger actually was not bad at all, though to be honest, the idea that the meal had never suffered a day in its non-life gave it a rather mundane aftertaste. Still, not an awful meal. We stood, and she invited me to her apartment just off-campus.

Now, you humans don’t quite have the sense of smell that some of us furbags have, so let me tell you that it really makes the flirting game a lot easier. This not to say that Samantha was fragrant, but the faint smell in the air, plus the look in her eyes, gave me a clue as to the breadth of her invitation.

Damn. A few months prior and I could have been within the sanctuary of a clean, healthy, and (surely) secretly voracious rabbit. I’ve always had a thing for rabbits. Such energetic partners, they made, and there’s something about that useless poof of a tail that just seems inviting.

But. I had to decline. I had a feline waiting for me in my own room. Samantha did give me her screen name, though. I figured it’d be good to have a hippy to call on. Know thy enemies, etc.

And waiting, he was. I found Matt on my bed when I entered my dorm room, and beside him was Roland, who was trying helplessly to teach Matt the intricacies of Gears of War. The poor idiot. He was more-than-eager to latch himself onto my arm and relinquish the controller, allowing me to put Roland in his place.

94 Comments

  1. QuetzaDrake says:

    Awww, that was cute. I liked that story.

    Do you regret being tied down like that, Joel? Being all monogamous and what-not.

  2. Campy says:

    Always had a thing for rabbits, eh? >;3

  3. Big Red Pharaoh says:

    So how *is* Roland holding up these days, anyhow?

    • Joel says:

      Well, he seems better now that he’s bangin the skunkslut. Things were awkward for a while but he got over it.

      • Big Red Pharaoh says:

        Mmmm…skunkslut…

        Hey, I think Skunkslut opened up for my band once…

        Anyway, what the hell’s going on with Roll and Nicci, anyway? How did that happen?

  4. Jit says:

    I’ve never actually played Gears Of War. Is it as testosterone-laden as I’ve heard it to be?

  5. QuetzaDrake says:

    It’s four MASSIVE muscular war-hardened men lurching about at top speed with big guns that have chainsaws on the end of them, and you spend the whole game shooting and chopping up equally-or-even-BIGGER humongous and muscular aliens.

    So yes. It’s awesome.

    • Joel says:

      The dragonman fails to mention the fact that you chainsaw people’s god damn faces off. That’s an important feature.

  6. Jit says:

    On that same note, I have to wonder what the top speed of a lurch is…

  7. Big Red Pharaoh says:

    1) If you were blindfolded (or just had your eyes closed), could a fur such as yourself differentiate between your various friends by scent alone?
    Does everyone you know give off a “fragrance”, as it were?

    2) If need be, would you be able to find your way around using your nose alone?

    • Joel says:

      1) I could, if it’s a friend I’ve known for a while. I’d certainly recognize everyone I work with.

      2) It’s not a radar, it’s a nose. It’s not like it has depth perception.

      • Celestial says:

        Joel’s right about the nose thing, and by the way im a furry (DONT RPE ME JOEL PLZ!)

        • Celestial says:

          im a rlly big fan of the comic if were to work with immy would i myself become a character in one of his comics?

          • Anteros says:

            Omg and can we make Dave have a lazer penis and secret ghost powers too?

            lol jk Your comments were just so over fanpersoned (bad habbit of making up words sorry) that I had to say somethin xD

  8. Manokiller says:

    Awesome stuff :D shall be interesting to see more!

  9. Wolf Nanaki says:

    Holy crap, Joel turned down sex?
    I’d be shocked, but I can’t blame you. Matt’s too awesome to cheat on. :3

  10. Ark says:

    Doesn’t it feel good to have such a wonderful person by your side that you can come home to every day?

  11. Busterdrag says:

    Never thought I would see you eating a veggie-burger. Or being monogamous.

  12. Big Red Pharaoh says:

    So…

    This whole “peace and love” thing…

    Is it a crock or what?

    Any thoughts?

  13. Salem Jansen says:

    “Vile Opponent”, lollers. Friggin’ lollers, man.
    Anyway, a fun story to read. Quite a sense of humor on you, y’know that?
    On another note: GEARS OF WAR, HELL YEAH!

    “WHERE’S MAI WAIF?!?!!”

  14. Shoji says:

    It’s nice seeing you being loyal with Matt.
    I have to agree with who said it before; he’s just too awesome to cheat on.

  15. Darky says:

    aww is sounds like you love Matt vary much don’t you Joel =^_^=

  16. Ablash says:

    Joel’s getting soft ;) He should have brought Sam home anyway, I thought he was into that orgy stuff ;)

    • Big Red Pharaoh says:

      See, I don’t believe he’s getting soft.

      Dunno why. I just don’t think it’s quite that way.

      Back me up here. You’re not getting soft, are you, Mr. Calley?

      Not that there’s anything *wrong* with that…

  17. Genericname says:

    Hmmm, just be glad you managed to keep on her good side. That looked like quite a backswing she had with that vegan display.

    Incidentally, I’ve always thought that veggie burgers TASTED fine, its the juiciness that they lack that always gets me. Every time I’ve had one it’s been drier then Nevada.

  18. Isaac says:

    Very good story, surprised you stayed true to Matt however, Not saying you seem like a cheater but you didn’t seem the monogamous type, Mr. Joel. I wasn’t a fan of Sonic also, same goes for Gears of War, turn Roland onto Left4Dead and I’ll respect him more for it. Anyway hopefully you get a chance to read this, even if you can’t comment on the account of the Matt holding ^^

  19. Gennie says:

    You could always put bunny ears on Matt.

  20. Lizarman says:

    Heh, that’s it, good dog, don’t make the kitty cry!
    and I liked Sonic Unleashed, maybe you should try the Xbox or at least Wii version. The PS2 one is a crappy downgrade made just for those who refuse to get a new system…
    Oh, and what’s going on with Roland and Nicole at the end? could you tell us more?

    • Joel says:

      They end up spending a lot of their time together at Nicole’s house, so I’m not really sure what’s up. But they seem happy.

      I think they’re doing this just to make me jealous.

    • FADFRANKIE says:

      Joel this is Frank Bailey have you ever heard of play station 3 game called Grand Theft Auto 4. in the game you get to KILL a lot people with a lot of weapons and cars. trust me Joel there will be a lot BLOOD shed in the game and it’s totally wicked awesome.

  21. Lucien says:

    awww, Matt’s cute.

    Are you thankful you have him, Joel? Do you tell him you lvoe him? :3

  22. Zurr says:

    I second the bunny ears idea.

  23. Lunar Love says:

    hehe, bunny ears wouldn’t make Matt much cuter. can’t really imagine anything that could possibly make him cuter, really ^^ meow!

  24. Ranokin says:

    To be honest Ive never liked rabbits much, but then again ive never had one in bed either… im pretty sure my opinion might change if I had first hand experience.

  25. Strokend says:

    Good to see ya keepin’ Matt. Are you going mono with him because it’s -possible- he’ll leave ya if you don’t?
    Bunny ears/tail? No, that wouldn’t go well on Matt… I, frankly, can’t imagine a bunny who’s orange with black stripes…

  26. The Doctor says:

    How could you eat something that was not at one point alive. It sickens me.

    • Strokend says:

      It WAS alive. Just not animal-type alive. Plants are alive, man, plants are alive… They just don’t suffer. Wilt, sure, but suffer? Naw, not a bit.

  27. Eclypse says:

    Ow wow. I was worried where this would end up…. but i’m happy you kept true to the feline. He is way to adorable to mess with. That and every ounce of respect I have for you would poof away.

    Heh, be warned about those claws though. They aren’t retractable for no good reason, keeps them sharp as a katana. Just something to keep in mind if you ever make Matt angry.

  28. Karserus says:

    *blinks* Joel, had you betrayed Matt I would have found you, tricked you with a frisbee, had you raped by a rather large demon I know, then slapped you with a rubber glove.

    I must say, you and veganism just don’t seem to mix perfectly. ^^ You and Matt however…

  29. Xaerun says:

    Oh man. Once my iPod was on Shuffle Songs and somehow the banjo theme from Super Mario World came on (Yoshi’s Island) and my mates were playing Gears of War.
    Takes on a whole new atmosphere, man.

  30. Ryuki says:

    XD
    God I love this Comic…..
    Can’t wait till the 30th when I can finnaly restart work on Mine.
    Tell you one Thing.
    If your right handed, don’t try to draw with your left Hand
    Fails Miserably.
    GODDAMN ADD! Sorry for changing the topic on ya Joel.
    >>
    <<
    Useless Poof.
    XD

  31. silent_o says:

    Lancer chainsaw kills= awesome

    There is nothing more satisfying after a crappy day than cutting a grub into tiny, bloody bits.

  32. Odiku says:

    its been awhile but, ….

    1: Joel is right, Matt suck at Gears of War.

    2: Gears of war one is awesome and totally kick ass.

    3: Why not God of war? Lots of bloodshed in that game.

    c: -hugs Joel and Matt- And that is all. -votes on comic-

  33. Claude Kogima says:

    I know I am pretty late in reading this post, but I had a lot to do, and its was a great post Joel. I really hope to see more. I also think Matt should spend a little more time on an XBox… but I’m sure thats only me. >_<

  34. Rooster says:

    Damn. Joel, get Matt on the Xbox more. I don’t even own one and i know how to use a controller! But then again, it’s “too big for his virgin hands”…

    XD

  35. Windthor says:

    Hey, Joel. Small question. Do you like to share Matt at all? I’ve been thinking about a small fan-fiction story and I’m just wondering if you’d be interested in a threesome at all with Matt.

    Just wondering, you can decline if you wish.

  36. MessyKitten says:

    so Joel, how are you and matt doing these days? its been a while since you have posted anything :P

  37. Kenyru says:

    I’ve been reading through these blogs for a while now… I love blogs, they’re such a handy (if oft-misleading) little insight into the personalities/inner workings of the authors. How come everyone seems to think you’re ‘going soft’ or doing things that ‘aren’t like you’? People are multi-faceted and not two-dimensional, like for instance, characters in a comic.

    *blinks* …What?

    You and Matt make a cute couple, Joel. If you can convince Matt there’s nothing wrong with doing so, could you let us all in on what goes on when you’re in bed ‘making like bunny-rabbits’?

  38. JacoLeostale says:

    Ughm… Mr. Joel.. I wonder, At your bedroom on the wall…. you seem to did “it” so many times with Artie…. but i thought Artie was straight….How come you got to him soo many times…. was it rape?

  39. NicholasWiegand says:

    I think it’s sweet you passed up the girl to get home to Matt.

    It’d be a bit sweeter if you’d passed up every other person you had sex with to get to Matt, but that’s not my business, I suppose.

    I suppose Matt won’t be a virgin for long, poor guy. I don’t want to see what he looks like when you’re done with him.

  40. ShadowFox97 says:

    Mm. Cute, though I had hoped for some insight on more pressing matters than sex and “love”. For example… Are you really “Joel” or are you just a puppet for the real character behind all the omen-like encounters that we’ve been seeing.

    …I’d love to know more about the bitch that Arty pulled out of you when you fought.

    Another intriguing point is the control of your aura- I’d like to roam in sunlight without it burning me for more than an our just once.

  41. UFAlien says:

    I guess I’m just a big ol’ hippy-loving Sonic Unleashed fan then. So too bad if you hate me for that XP

  42. FADFRANKIE says:

    Joel maybe you should be more nicer to Matt and the rest of your friends.

  43. cylan says:

    hey Joel. Have you ever seen 30 Days of Night? i just saw it a few days ago and it was so cool!!!!!!! anyway i think it would match your personality. btw you got a facebook per chance?

  44. Homosapien says:

    you know, I’m not a furry but i thought that rabit was pretty hot; and by the way I’m a huge Soilwork fan

  45. Dispress says:

    Hey, Joel I have a question. You know, I can be very… inopportune. Well, I’ve been asking this to a lot of people, so if anyone wants to give its answer, it will be well received: what happens to a person when is engulfed by a character?

    Another random comment: you’re hot, quite sexy. Such a shame I’m not into guys. And your couple, well, I think the entire fandom already know how Matt looks. Why I’m saying this? I don’t know, I’m kind of nervous, I usually don’t leave any comments online.

    Last random comment: One day I was walking on the street, heading to the bus stop, then I suddenly remembered the story about Roland and Aaron. Then THIS came to my mind: what kind of couple is Joel? I guess your quite the gentleman since you actually, you DO appreciate the relationship you have with Matt, but then again I recall what Roland said: “Joel’s style of kissing seemed so hungry and desperate compared to Nicole’s soft, careful, deliberate movements.” Which leads me to this: Matthew, what kind of kisser is Joel? Hell, I know you love how he kisses (and not only that) but, then again, explain this poor, curious soul, how is it?

    Thanks for your attention.

    Truly Yours, D.

  46. Fenrir says:

    Well I’m glad to see that you stayed true to Matt because if you didn’t I would of hunted you down a stick a bullet or two in ya… although I’d LOVE to fight you mono de mono.

  47. Fenrir says:

    Also why the HELL do people keep calling you a DOG!!! If someone called me a dog I’d bitch slap them

  48. Kuroinu says:

    Joel, I have an unrelated Q for you. You see, im curious to the nature of your spritual powers. How exactly do you manefest yourself in the form of the Reaper? I mean, I have visualized something pretty similar for myself before, and am curious about the nature of the metaphysical realm.

  49. Pecan says:

    Joel? I know you’re being monogamous for Matt, but did you ever ask his opinion on the matter? Maybe he really wouldn’t mind sharing once in awhile…

  50. Maxwell says:

    You make being bi seem like the damn coolest thing in the world. That doesn’t mean that someone has said that it wasn’t. YAY, for pointless chat room observations!

  51. Kaitou says:

    Sonic unleashed = Dammit Sega you’re failing us!!!

    G.O.W = Amazing, I’m going to murder 300 babies to get the third one!

  52. real life wolf says:

    i know alot about wolves joel if you ever need facts for another post inform me and ill tell you. i live with three real blue wolves they stand over waist high being the biggest wolf species in the world i didnt take them into my home they moved in and let me sleep here

  53. hunter says:

    i know you have fucked, but have you been fucked?